You can see it in the fighting. If she likes Star Trek and Firefly and he likes science they might both like going to a science museum. No. July 2, 2013, 4:19 pm. I went through an accapella phase and a disney phase and a pop punk phase, a Growing pains phase, and on and on, and he rolled his eyes and helped me set the VCR, but wasnt willing to watch it. I definitely DONT think my experience and this familys are similar. Its not cool that Dad is rolling his eyes at his daughters interests and hobbies. You raised a very good point that I didnt even mention. Then ice cream after. I have to agree. It stated in the letter that the daughter does try to be accommodating. I agree with Wendy here. lets_be_honest (Okay, okay, I am projecting here, but again, I had way too many friends who were all way to into Buffy back in the day. How to Make a Girl Chase You Over Text After Sex, mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter, reason is that hes trying to save his daughter, My Boyfriend And His Daughter Act Like A Couple (10 Solutions), Boost Your Friends Mood with These Short Positive Affirmations, Why Some People Are Jealous of Your Success, 110 Millionaire Affirmations to Attract Wealth, 10 Ways To Get a Busy Man to Make Time for Love, 51 Emotional Wellness Goals to Transform Your Life. And, yes, you ARE being greedy, because as much as your daughter may genuinely enjoy your time together pursuing interests you both share, she is missing out on a relationship with her dad and all the things he can teach her through his interests. I wanted nothing to do with my dad for a long time. He is dedicated and hard-working. Hes so dreamy, if not annoyingly alpha-male-y. Often, in their own backgrounds, they have seen a too-good-to-be-true martyred parent in a devoted relationship with a partner who would not acknowledge their caring. Im not even saying all of the things listed are mature and intelligent, but that people can be smart and informed and still like these things. July 2, 2013, 3:39 pm, A parent should NEVER make fun of their child.. July 2, 2013, 12:06 pm. Did I love that stuff? lets_be_honest Look, Im sorry, but your hand here is rather plainly seen. First let me say that my daughter is getting married and her dad is no help. But the show as a whole, awesome. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. She SHOULD be more informed and its good that her dad wants her to be. Sounds to me like not only is dad not interested in or even bothering to take an interest in any of his daughters interests, but he also disparages them and her calling her uninformed, lacking initiative and uncompetitive and bitches because she isnt more like what he wants her to be like. Im a mom of a 14 yr old version of this LWs daughter mine is going to One Direction on Thursday, and will be spending all of Wednesday and Thursday both preparing for this epic event. Why are we judging other peoples interests? Everyone can have a relaxing hobby. Something like that might be a good intersection of the father and daughters interests. Learning about give and take in a relationship is very important for a 12 year old (who can often be very self-centered at that age) to know. My dad would also try to do things we liked. My stepfather and my mother told me I was weird and that Id regret it because Id never be popular or normal, or get boys to like me. But hes so cute when hes excited about something. But I wouldnt have done any of those things if my parents let me do what I wanted whenever I wanted. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. But as a kid/teen, I wanted him to play. July 15, 2013, 3:10 pm. He let us put makeup on him. But believe it or not, a lot of my nerdy students do like Buffy quite a few of them go to conventions, and as far as I can tell, theyre just giant nerd festivals, so its actually kind of easy to encounter something that was popular 15 years ago because where there are nerds, there is Buffy. He said he wasnt hungry and why would I think hed want to eat after a rotten day? You may need to have a conversation with your husband and daughter separately to get to the bottom of whats going on. Other times, it may be something more complicated, such as unresolved feelings of jealousy or resentment. Being oblivious to financial matters. Are they harboring some passive/aggressive need to prove that love wont last and unconsciously sabotaging every chance that it could? It was always classic rock radio in the car, and at home he usually had some background music going, often from his own enormous collection of CDs that included everything from classic rock to blues to zydeco. But are there REALLY that many teen girls into Star Trek? I wish Id been closer to my mother growing up, but now that Im almost 30, were as close as can be, so maybe itll just take a few years. Yeah, and you definitely dont win the parenting award when you focus more on getting your kid to be your ally, as opposed to sticking up for your child. But you seem to have past that point long ago) Just as your husband has tried to cultivate in her his interests. Amazing job today! I thought that was actually really funny. Here are a few things you can do to try and improve the relationship between them: Its not uncommon for daughters to want their parents to divorce. This breed of intimate relationship dweller does the opposite of maintaining a sane interpersonal environment. Please dont disparage science fiction/fantasy as not being intelligent or low-brow for children and adults. No, it may not be the precise thing hes interested in, but you cant just share an interest with someone by demanding it. painted_lady Its a question many mothers ask themselves: why is my husband driving my daughter away? Thats true, I had that thought that maybe the mom and daughters perspective on assignments was skewed. You sometimes got what you needed but not what you expected in unpredictable moments that made no sense. Here are 16 ways husbands can unintentionally push their daughters away: It can be difficult to maintain a good relationship between your husband and your daughter, but there are a few things you can do to help. Gotta say, I disagree with the extreme nature of that statement. I read baby sitter club books and was part of the official fan club. Thats awesome! Then my partner came along. This can be a normal and healthy part of adolescence, but it can also be painful for parents who feel like they are losing the close relationship they once had with their child. July 2, 2013, 11:17 am, Skyblossom Then wed throw it back and go back to just hanging out. If both parents are making an effort to connect, I think 12 is an acceptable age to understand that things arent always about you, and sometimes we do things for other people just because we love the person if not the activity. Wed do something hed want to do (touring a waste water treatment plant seriously), and then wed do something I wanted to do a couple weeks later (he took me to see Rent when I was 13!). . But if she IS uninformed, then its good for him to point it out and provide her with ways to become informed. Give it a look and let me know what you think. Im notorious for doing this to family and friends, but you know what? And he lived 10 minutes away from us. Expect my son to mediate a dispute between my daughter-in-law and myself. Well I disagree with the context, but not the actual content, of this advice. And while my mom certainly cultivated my love of our mutual interests, she also encouraged me to participate in some of my dads interests, too. Ask the dentist: Why can some people not cope with the word 'fat'? Saying later that night will you ask the spagetti head to pass the salt IS making fun of their child and it is healthy. Look, I had a great relationship with my dad. Here are some signs that your father had narcissistic tendencies or was an outright narcissist. Why should your husband treat her that way?? We watched Space Camp WAY too many times and tried astronaut ice cream together. The daughter will then learn to respond in similar (asking others about their hobbies, showing genuine interest, accepting of differing hobbies). If you want to bring about change in your family, though, you are going to have to get him to confront the fact that his behaviour is hurtful, destructive, and possibly even cruel. I agree weddings can be stupid . From Voyager, for some odd reason, The Q and the Grey really struck a chord with me and actually made me challenge all of my beliefs regarding what is beyond humanity. What?! I hated sitting through long sports games. And for your husband to expect your daughter to have more than your own vapid interests, REALLY doesnt make him a bad parent. So now our oldest daughter is 16 and . Sci-Fi is a great gateway to get kids interested in sciencethere was a museum exhibit traveling around called Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination, and theres a similar one about Indiana Jones and archaeology. Agree i cant imagine being receptive to spending time with my dad when it consists of him mocking what my 12-year old self likes AND assigning me reading assignments. lets_be_honest My father only wanted sons, so he decided that his daughters were going to get into sports, hunting, home repair television shows and walks in the woods. Usually sharks.). I discovered them in college and came home like, HOW DID YOU NOT TELL ME ABOUT THIS? He still clips those articles, and even though he and I are a ways apart politically, I can always trust them to have something well-reasoned and thoughtful to say. When you think you know what to expect or how to deal with them, they change the rules, seemingly arbitrarily. July 2, 2013, 11:08 am. My mom is super-duper awesome. On the flip side, my mother was much like LWs husband in that she always encouraged competitiveness and athleticism and things she thought were good. We had some past issues that affected our relationship. I adore them and love them as people, not just my parents. Act like one. I think the dad most definitely needs to be happy with the daughter he has, and not spend so much energy trying to shame her into being the daughter he wants, So he should act like an adult and not take his frustration out on his daughter by telling her that her interests annoy him. It sounds like she and her daughter just happen to share the same interests. Fruits and veggies are healthier than potato chips thats a fact. She cant meet him halfway if he is putting her down. How about trying to find an interest that all 3 of you could enjoy together? My dad got me into the Beatles and Hendrix, so I hear that! Same with the radio in the car I like country or musicals, he cant stand it, theres no way Id put that on. My father (and mother, if I want to be totally honest) would criticize anything that my sister and I had an interest in, regardless of how much value it did or did not have. If it doesnt come from both sides, its hard to want to do something with the other person, if the other person doesnt do anything to see your side of it. The first theory is that her husband is jealous of the close relationship she has with their daughter. He even told me the next day that he was the luckiest guy in the world. (I remember one long drive when i was little where we ran out of all other cds and they suffered through it for a little while and I was happy as a clam, but eventually they couldnt deal with it anymore). He leaves at 5:00 a.m. every morning to support me and our children. Oh and get this, occasionally, I orchestrate it so hes not the asshole no-fun mr knitknots type, and I do unfun things, like make her come serve soup at a homeless kitchen or walk dogs at the SPCA or help our elderly neighbour do various stuff. He thinks it's ridiculous. Who knows what interests of your husbands she may learn to appreciate if she were more exposed to them. LWs daughter should definitely be involved with some enriching activities, but theres no harm at all in loving media. 2. I was just trying to illustrate (like Wendy did) to the LW that it can be amazing when a father with very different interests introduces a kid to something they may not otherwise have been introduced to, even forcefully to a degree. To this day we have a great relationship, and now Im able to make the same efforts for him. THIS is the problem, not the fact that a 12-year-old girl likes 12-year-old girl things. The LWs husband sounds like my father. Liquid Luck Hmm, Im getting a different vibe from this letter than Wendy is? But that he made the effort to give me my interests. Related- History Channel has some great programming thats HIGHLY educational but fun to watch. And if the mom feels this strongly about it and him interrupting them, I would bet that she complains about her husband to her daughter, which is not OK. Sophronisba Others see him as a bully and a hole. I think hes going a little too far if hes making disparaging comments about her personality, but I absolutely hate baseball, and if I married a guy who loved it and we had a son who was obsessed, I know that Id be rolling my eyes at them. One of her friends had already seen the series and the others wanted to come over and watch the show on Netflix. Its a really nice time to shoot the shit and get your head clear fishing can be very enjoyable, plus you have a free meal at the end of it! honeybeenicki Shes all the better for it. Shes doing archery and piano, Id say thats enriching. Is it forcing or is it parenting? We didnt have to share the same interests, but it was spending time with each other that mattered. How the States Got Their Shapes for one. WWS, and YOU need to stop pulling away from your husband, because he doesnt have the same interests as your daughter. You can look at him as a mean bully, like you do, or an involved father who is trying to raise a well rounded child. What kind of history and science is your husband into? Theres alot wrong going on here, the parents should definitely get counseling to learn better communication and parenting skills. Will he ever change? Their partners also need to understand that most of the sabotaging behavior is not only unintended but carries significant grief and guilt with it. Well-said, courtney. lets_be_honest How to Convince a Senior to Stop Driving. I wouldnt say they are musical magicians or anything, but they can still put on a good show. Ross says it definitely would have beenif not for his tendency towards horrific sea-sickness. Hed take me to Barnes and Noble and buy me a new Star Wars fan magazine every time. And also, him treating her with respect and letting her know he values her, well that will also help shape her future relationships where she will know she deserves to be respected, valued and loved. July 2, 2013, 4:37 pm. The How I Met Your Father star welcomed her son, Luca, with ex-husband Mike Comrie in 2012. LW, would your husband be up for a night of board games with you and your daughter? Finally, try to create opportunities for one-on-one time between your husband and daughter. bittergaymark First, remember that it is normal for there to be some conflict between a parent and child. Really not sure why I waited so long. He does not say that to her but expresses it to me. WWS. Ha! If LWs husband is making LWs daughter think that shes less of an awesome person for not having the skills he wants her to have, instead of saying these skills will make her a more awesome person, than thats probably the main reason shes pulling away. Plus, I like Rick Castle. Seriously? For the first time in my life, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. to be at the stream, fishing pole in hand and waders on, to fly fish with my dad. My inner fan girl is all riled up now =). I see his point to some extent. Im sure he didnt really care about the Anne of Green Gables books or obscure Star Wars characters. Middle schoolers and initially, I tried to explain the history of the Salem witch trials as well as McCarthyism before we read the play. Seriously, have you heard their new stuff? Exactly! Sometimes those things just happen. I firmly believe that there is no such thing as reading too much. My parents are/were anti-intellectual, though, and wouldnt let me go see ballets, theatre productions, or hit up museums because I was trying to put on airs. I watched a show about what would happen if aliens were discovered, and I know there are some about how realistic certain science fiction shows are. I would suggest, while lending an ear to her feelings about her father, gently suggesting she go to him and tell him, without whining or accusing (I dont know that she does either, but I know that tends to shut people down) how his rejection of her makes her feel. Additionally, she may worry that if you stay together, shell have to deal with the same unhappy marriage later on in her own life. I camped. If your daughter is still willingly doing these activities I dunno since most teenagers are rather bratty and self absorbed and not keen on doing things they dont enjoy Id hazard a guess she finds them more fun than you would like. Camping and hiking which FRANKLY are much better for her both physically and psychologically in the long run. Ross was telling me the other day that his dad took him deep sea fishing a couple times when he was younger. Forget it. Older and (hopefully) wiser Its also important to take into account your daughters age and stage of development. Oh, and he thinks TV can actually teach somebody something more relevant than the fact that its both rather silly and stupid to be a Vampire Slayer Not too mention angst-filled. And relinquish some of your time with her so that your husband can have a chance to nurture his own relationship with her.. Theres got to be at least one thing that the two of them have in common. This is NO accident. It will also probably be more effective if you can get your children to stand alongside you, at least during the initial intervention and I realise that will be hard. Here are eight ways to tell if your partner is harming your relationships with your family. I mean freak out and force your kid to read something if they cant, not if you dont like that they choose to read Harry Potter in their free time. Also, seriously, have you been on Tumblr? He is into science so a consultation with a trained professional may be exactly what he needs. He just can't grasp the cost of a wedding. That was what I meant about finding articles that the daughter would be interested in at first. Camping? She gets too invested in her daughters life. Parents have rolled their eyes at teenage pop drek for generations. Same thing with intellectual or cultural topics. Unless you are from PA, of course. She may not have attended every softball game, but she never missed a dance recital or play, and always made sure I had a clean uniform for those softball games and a snack to take with me. All of this has tended to push her (and me, to some extent) away from him. he wants to teach her to drive. I love this woman, but theres no pleasing her. If he wants her to take an interest in his hobbies, he needs to feign interest in hers. I dont know why the father doesnt like Star Trek, but shows like Eureka, Warehouse 13, and Revolution are all pretty good cross sections of fangirlyness and science. In that instance, it is terrible timing and the dad should have listened to Indie when he came in in an emergency and the dad should have helped then and done the latin lesson later, but if that was a normal day home from scouting, then good for dad, because indie totally used that information later in life, even though it was annoying (and seemingly aloof) of his dad to be so demanding. Instead, you never know how they are going to react to a given situation. You do her a disservice by being greedy with her time and attention. EVER. Whatever you do, make sure you stay true to yourself. But I agree with everything else you said. Frankly, I dont know ANYBODY who had such strange mutual worships WITH their parents I dunno, back in the 1980s most parents were actually grown ups, I guess. Yeah, funny thing for me was, my dad put me in basketball, and he was surprisingly non-pushy about it, but he was constantly telling me I needed to be more aggressive. Being a parent is more about shaping your child to be secure, well adjusted, happy (etc!!)
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