Whether you are grieving for a pet that has passed, or feeling grief for your pet that is close to the end, know that your feelings are real, and you are not alone.
Grief has many facets. First, it is a highly individual experience. It often comes in stages that may include shock, anger, denial, loneliness, self-pity, guilt, regret, and over-all sadness. Some of these feelings may be experienced more intensely than others, but know that your feelings will come and go, eventually with less intensity, and with less frequency. Ultimately, acceptance will come, but reminders of your loss may trigger grief even many years later. In the beginning, when you are feeling most overwhelmed, it is helpful to seek outside help and support.
Many people find that the grief accompanying the loss of a pet is more intense than the grief accompanying the loss of a parent. This of course adds to one’s guilt, but there are reasons for this phenomenon. One reason is that there is generally greater understanding and support associated with the loss of a parent.
The same level of support is often lacking when we lose an animal member of the family. In addition, there is less emotional baggage with the loss of a pet. For example, your pet never set boundaries in bringing you up, never argued with you about your activities, or disciplined you when you went astray. In other words, you inevitably had conflicts with your parent no matter how much you loved him or her. Your pet, on the other hand, always greeted you with enthusiasm, accepted you, and loved you unconditionally. Some people say that they learned more about love and the giving of love from their pet than from a parent or any other person.
Because we seem to be a feeling-avoidant society, it is hard to acknowledge that grieving is so painful and that it is such a gradual and often slow process. It can take weeks, months, and sometimes years. It cannot be ignored. In fact, if healing is to take place, it must be expressed through crying, writing, talking, or whatever outlet that an individual finds helpful.
Learn more:
Peaceful Passing for Pets: “A Caregiver’s Guide to Pet Hospice Care”, Chapter 7 “Bereavement”
